Wait for it....the suspense will kill you...
Yup – it's ME and my fat baby’s azz. I feel like I’m part of the shit parade today….so I’m just gonna put it out there. It’s confession time and you all get to be my priest today.
Some days I literally suck at being a mom. I’m selfish and self-absorbed and as you all know from a prior blog – as I age have become unable to handle any kind of body fluids coming from anyone without going into convulsions myself. My daughter started throwing up at midnight. I heard her yell – I ran to her. Yeah me – that’s one point for me. I then realize she’s throwing up….so I back away like she’s the plague. I can’t see it, smell it or hear it or I’ll need that toilet myself. What is wrong with me? Where are my hairy balls of steel I acquired just last week? All I can say now is thank God for the husband.
But can I just say he has a slight advantage though? This man sees prisoners smear feces on their walls, gets urine thrown on him, and deals with criminals gushing blood after they injure themselves on purpose….all with no reaction. He’s trained that way. No one trained me to handle such things. So for today - that is my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
The second time my daughter yells get this – I didn’t move – which is the cue to the husband that this time it’s all up to him. He runs….and about a minute later after I’m sure he has it under control I get up. I do the after-care. The washcloth, the hug, the snuggling her back in bed….you know – the easy part.
And oh yah – the story of the worst mom of the year isn’t over yet. Guess what I did this morning? I went to work! I have massive formal interviews for our certification today and it would not be good to miss them. So unlike Vanessa (Dinnerland) and probably every one of you with kids out there who have no problem putting your kids first – I put my job first today. My only excuse is that my daughter thinks of her sitter as her second mom. Seriously – if me and my husband die – it’s in the will that this sitter gets custody of them.
The whole way to the sitter’s I’m literally praying to every God imaginable…..Buddha, the Dalia Lama, Zeus, a golden calf, whoever…..that she doesn’t throw up in the car. What kind of mother does that?
Um so yah – I’ve sorta been up since midnite and pretty much been feeling guilty since then. So while I might kick ass at my job, excel in my 2nd and 3rd jobs, have OCD organization skills, fart gumdrops as a wife and am loyal as a BFF – today – I suck as a mom. Does it help that I’ll call her every hour to see how she is? Does that restore your faith in me a little?
Oh and the man diet – 6 lbs down. Day 8. Whatever. Um peckerhead - remember me? Just hit 12 lbs lost since January freaking 1st? Ugh. 8 more damn days and he’ll probably surpass me. I hate him….except for when he cleans up puke cuz I can’t.
And karma is kicking me in the ass today too. It is my punishment I am sure. Just because I wondered why the weight was coming off fairly easy I’m up 1.5 lbs on the scale today. Back to 163 and holding. I’m pretty sure it’s the Universe handing out my “YOU SUCK TODAY” award. I only have one thing to say about it. And that is…
F*ck you Sheniqua! You can go to holy hell with the 10.5 lbs I’ve already lost. You can have today……cuz tomorrow will be mine again.
♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥
♪ Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪
♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣