Ah Monday. Ah crabbiness. Ah shitaki.
I can't get motivated and I have a ton to do....so I'm taking a break to blog to the people I love because around me in present day me world - I hate everyone. People talk to me and I listen and nod and the whole time I'm thinking I'd like to stick forks in their eyes. I don't even want to make eye contact with anyone for fear my eyes might shoot fire at them. I should have forgotten to put deodorant on - then people would stay away.
On to the good stuff....I do official weigh ins on the first of every month. I didn't hit 10 lbs - I have only lost 9.5 lbs since January 1. Not too bad. 14 to go. And today 14 seems like the hugest number on Earth. I didn't meet my fitness goals either. See below:
Goal was 75 miles - I did 54.15
Goal was 10,000 calories - I burned 7,106
Goal was 22 hours - I worked out 16.15
Whatevah! While I've been kicking Martha Stewart's ass, Drazil has been kicking mine. And I've been letting him. When this losing weight thing gets hard and down to the last 15 or so and I have to literally work my fat baby's ass off I question why I do this? Is it worth it? When I'm 80 will I care what I looked like at 35? Probably not but I have to struggle to remember this isn't all about physicality. It's about my health - internally and medically. I'm borderline high BP and high cholesterol. If I don't get to goal - I may be on meds. Internally I won't be okay with me until I hit goal.....that not being okay is a character flaw in itself. I struggle daily to love me for me - Sheniqua, Drazil, faults and all.
Change is hard. Reflecting on said change is even harder. I'd love to give up and take a bath in rainbow Skittles while I drink root beer from a frosted mug but I can't. The me I am today - is closer to the me I want to be than I've been in a long time. Giving up was never my thing anyway. I mean it used to be - but those days are over.
I'll be setting March goals today and re-evaluating my NY Resolution list too. I'll be reaching for the grateful journal and the prayer journal too...those two things can usually bring me out of a funk. That and kicking Drazil in the balls. That usually works.
♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥
♦ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣