Okay not really – it’s *&^%$ turkeys.
You guys – I just called my husband….AKA Rambo….AKA Tarzan. He answered his phone like he’s on one of those hunting show documentaries. Have you seen those?
GROWN FREAKING MEN WHISPER THROUGH THE WHOLE DAMN SHOW! And they giggle with each other and slap asses and all that freaky crap…..all while wearing camo vests on their beer bellies, black paint on their faces and wolf pee on their boots.
If I was going to watch such a show I’d have to turn that sucking TV up to volume level 50 just to hear it. Every time DH watches it I want to get out my hearing aid and scream “Speak up you assholes – the turkey you’re hunting can’t hear you and NEITHER CAN I!”
Those shows drive me crazy. And they act like idiots. They seriously dance around and hug and cream in their shorts when they “get one”….even though they are using a gun with a laser beam that’s accurate all the way to Africa and back. Oh yah – real surprise you hit that super tough target of an ELEPHANT. Where do you get your talent? My God.
Okay – anyway – I called DH….and I got a real live version of the show and I nearly went through the phone and ripped his nards off.
It went like this:
Rambo: “Hello” – whispered very quietly. I kid you not – I didn’t even realize he had answered the phone.
Me: “Oh for f*ck’s sake – speak up – I can’t hear you and I need you to get the girls.”
Rambo: “We’re hunting” (which is why I’m talking like a pansy ass)
NO SHIT SHERLOCK! I could tell by the manly volume of your voice.
Seriously – we do this for turkeys. We talk like we’re spies. We whisper like the Russian Mafia could hear what we’re saying and we must be careful.
I swear – one more day of this – and if he comes home without a turkey I’m mounting HIS camo-loving, whispering ass on the wall.
I have rage issues. In my world – PMS stands for Po-dunk Man Shit. I swear to God you only deal with this when you live in Po-dunk city out in Hicksville Township. I better log off now – my man stud will be pulling up the drive in his 4x4 monster truck any minute. Elmer Fudd will be sitting in the passenger seat - holding the rifle which is totally legal here in Po-dunk.