It’s I Wish Wednesday for me. It’s my once a week wish list of all the things I would have liked to say and do over the past week but didn’t….out of sheer self control. On Wednesdays, I give myself permission to unleash it here. Some good, some bad…but either way…it feels good to get it out…..so bear with me as I step off the deep end for a moment.
1. To the 20 year old who just moved in next door who thinks that mufflers on cars are an option. They aren’t. When I can hear you coming and going all the way up at my house in the middle of sleeping it’s a problem. I wake up and think I’m in the middle of an earthquake and lo and behold I’m not – it’s your effing car! For real. I wish you’d buy a muffler. And if you don’t….I wish my kids accidentally smear honey all over your windshield.
2. To the lovely family member who called me 6 times in one day and only left one message….I wish telemarketers would call you every time you sit down to go pee – even on weekends. I called you back because after 6 calls I figured it must be urgent. I find out you called to ask if my brother’s girlfriend died. WHAT? Um no. Pretty sure I’d know about that. No you don’t have to ask me 16x if I’m sure. I wish you’d get your information straight before you’d call me. I wish you’d realize I can hardly talk to you on the phone without reaching through it and strangling you.
3. To the mother who called our house at 9:30pm to ask if I kept a school paper from months ago – um – I wish the Bird of Paradise would fly up your nose. We go to bed at 8pm. We wake up at 4am. I wish you knew that so I could be legitimately mad at you.
4. To the smartass who thinks it’s a good idea to drink or eat virtually nothing but Mountain Dew all day….I wish an elephant would step on your toes. Maybe then you’d wake up. Maybe then you wouldn’t eat enough to feed all of Ethopia for supper. I wish you’d be smarter than this. (Um yes, this one is for me.)
5. To the asshole that invented gumdrops and Starbursts. I wish I could stick pins in your eyes until you swore never to make another one of the sugar filled pieces of Heaven.
6. To the lady at the party this weekend who has a trainer and has to tell me – a perfect stranger – about it 16x in the span of an hour….well I wish your trainer could have seen you eat that 4th cookie. To your trainer who put you on the Atkins diet for the last 4 weeks I wish she had to eat that way. I wish she could see you can’t do that for a lifetime and I wish she could hear you tell people you are “starving”. Man, I wish you’d just shut up. I’d rather eat dirt than hear about your sugar withdrawals. I have my own Starburst issues. See #5 above.
7. And lastly, to you Draz….for keeping your Uncle’s memory alive this weekend on his anniversary. For facing your fears and attending parties when even months ago you would have cancelled with a lame excuse. For holding it together when teenagers drinking made you feel a fear you haven’t faced in years. For not killing your children during the 6 hours you were in the car - you deserve a trophy. For making it through yesterday – the whole day – without crawling into bed and closing out the world. For getting a migraine last night and still coming in to work today. For learning to live in the moment and not living with regrets. I wish you peace. And I wish for just one moment…that you could see and acknowledge the strength of your spirit. I wish you could not be so hard on yourself. I wish you the endurance it will take to keep going in this journey.
What do you *wish* today?
Oh and today is my BYOC weekly goal day. 64oz of water AND no sugar in the form of candies, desserts, baked goods, etc. I so have this….I think. LOL