My favorite part of the day is making my blog title. This one says it all huh?
I must have the smartest Anonymous commenters on Earth. Out of my entire, long, drawn out blog post from yesterday, an anonymous follower caught the fact that not letting my kids having a cup of water to house their one flower was pretty terrible of me. Hence, the evil Drazil in my head translates that to mean, “See? Someone else noticed you’re the worst mother on Earth.”
To the anonymous commenter who said I in effect ruined my kids Valentine’s Day….rest assured they didn’t sob in corners all night long and I made it up to them later with their favorite supper and cuddle time on the couch. Their flowers survived and we prevented a massive mess later by saying no to the water. I have idiot cats (who we love to death) who have this thing about any filled cups on counters. You leave the cup for a second and they are tipped over and on the floor before you know it.
Um – does anyone else wonder why I’m explaining myself to someone named Anonymous?
Insecure much? Geez.
I also need to say I crossed into Obsessive Land yesterday with regards to my fitness. So yes, this week I have been to Care Bear Land, Pissed Off City, Grouchy Town and now Obsessive Land. I’m a big traveler.
Anywhoozle, I did another 75 minutes on the treadmill last night. I had to make myself stop. I wanted another 30 minutes at least. I literally felt myself getting pissed that I had to get off. I want to hold on to the “powerful” feeling I have on there for as long as I can after a long day. That was the first indication I crossed into obsession. The second indication?
I came upstairs. Took off my shirt and shorts – laid them out – propped them nicely – displayed them – AND? Yup – took pictures of them. Sweaty pits, neck, back, and crotch.
I took pictures of my sweaty vajinna marks people. Yup, folks – I sweat where my thighs bend and meet my vajinna and it’s soooo sexy. Not.
I came upstairs first and said to Rambo, “Hey look. Your wife has a sweaty crotch. Isn’t that sexy?”
“Totally. I’d still tap that.” God – he’s so romantic huh?
Sooo – I didn’t include the pictures because I think it makes me borderline crazy. Do you agree or do you wanna see my sweaty vajinna pictures?
And no – I’m not misspelling vagina. It’s how I say them now – vajinna and penice. (Like someone with an accent would say “you’re a winnah (winner) and penice sounds like Venice)
Speaking of penices…a girl here at work is thinking of buying a home insemination kit. We’re all trying to convince her to just use a turkey baster. That’d totally work wouldn’t it? Heck – who needs a penice when you can use a turkey baster anyway?
Just be sure to throw it in the dishwasher before you use it to actually baste a turkey next time. Actually – on second thought – just throw it out. It’s worth just buying a new one in my opinion.
But what do I know? I’m the woman who crushes her little girl’s spirits by killing their flowers.