....what the holy hell just happened?
Lots and lots of shit people.
I mean remember me? I'm the biggest poop and puke hater of ALL TIME. Typing the words makes me sick. Seeing either of them makes me gag. Both of them together in my sight is enough to make me pass out or run screaming.
And yet - the Karma Queen has decided that the last week of my life should revolve around puke and poop. Even after Banana was released from the hospital, we were sent home with a toilet hat.
A toilet hat? Who the hell invents something like that? And who claims that? Can you imagine writing "inventor of the toilet hat" on your resume?
For those of you who don't know - it catches poop and pee. Jesus, Joseph and Mary.
Newsflash...those things are not meant to be "caught"....unless of course your 5 yr old can't stop pooping and is in the hospital. Ugh.
Fine. I'll catch the damn poop.
It's over people. Banana is okay now.
Interestingly enough - typing those four words just brought tears to rolling down my cheeks.
It is over. The drama, the hospital stay, the anxiety, the stress, the chaos. All of it I didn't think I'd survive.
It's bad enough on its own but add in my social anxieties and my need for routine and I was close to losing my marbles.
Thank God for Rambo - he never left my side...and we never left Banana's side. The nurses all loved our little girl in her little purple hospital gown in that huge bed.
I loved- and hated - the visitors. At one point I was alone with Rambo's brother and I texted Jenny and said, "HELP - what am I supposed to do with this? I need sleep and rest - why won't he leave?"
Jenny replied? Tell him you need to go change your tampon - he'll leave immediately.
So yah - thank God for Jenny too. I was texting her non-stop and she was always with me.
In the middle of the hospital stay, I got another migraine and was given a pain shot in each of my ample butt cheeks. You should see the bruise. I've lost all my dignity officially now.
And now Rambo and I have what Banana had....and the toilet is where we live. Cuz yes...it's my favorite place you know. Wow.
Watermelon has remained unscathed - thank God. Mentally she missed us and being home terribly. She refused to come to the hospital because she couldn't see her little sister like that...which broke my heart.
Many people visited and sent flowers and all of you sent prayers and love and my co-workers called and on and on. My Dad never came....for me or for Banana. I never once thought he would. He sent love from afar...and that has to be enough.
Regarding the situation with Watermelon and that lovely teacher's aide....the night we got home was parent-teacher conferences and the actual teacher finally said, "Mrs. B. said she told W she had no self-discipline and it was only a 30 second conversation and she didn't think the hallway was an appropriate place for the talk."
And you know what? Rambo and I looked at each other and neither of us said a word. Days of no sleep and not eating and worrying and feeling like shit ourselves - we had no fight left in us. We probably failed Watermelon in that moment. I'll always be sorry for that.
As of tonight I've caught up on what I missed for the 2 part time jobs. I have cleaned the entire house with Rambo's help. I have balanced our budget that hasn't been touched since this happened. Tomorrow I plan to go into work for about 5 hours to catch up on what I missed all week. Once that is done - I'll feel mentally better. I'll feel "normal". Like it's really and truly over.
The kitchen remodel is done. Cleaned up. Re-decorated. Done. Pictures will come when I have time to breathe again.
In the last week or so, there have been so many times I felt like I was hanging on by a thread and then I'd read one of your comments and feel your prayers. Or a new visitor would come in. Or a new text or phone call.
Or I'd hear that an old friend's boyfriend was diagnosed with liver cancer....
And I'd realize this is temporary and I am blessed beyond words and nothing beyond love and people really matter. With or without me - all 3 of my jobs went on. My house stayed standing. Other people's lives never stopped. Life kept going. The world kept turning.
This moment - the one right now - is really all we ever have. The rest is just window dressing. And that whole balance thing I sought out as a New Year's resolution is still completely foreign and out of my grasp right now.
One thing I do know is that soon -
I will fart gumdrops again.
I will have time for a Skittles bath.
I will find my way back to Care Bear Land.
And I will find balance. I promise you that.
Thank you - from the bottom of Rambo's and my hearts - for your prayers last week.