Isn’t it something how one person’s negative comments can take away all the good ones – in an instant?
Yesterday you all commented on how I dealt with Watermelon’s situation during volleyball and as each comment came in I was reassured that finally – I did something right as a mother. I’m used to hearing quite the opposite from my extended family so like I said – finally – I felt good about my parenting.
Last night Watermelon had a game. Let me backtrack and say that the volleyball coach Watermelon had an issue with is also my friend. Another assistant coach is my friend too. We all have kids in sports together but this is the first time my two friends have “coached”.
And I don’t like it. It’s hard to disagree with my friend’s coaching and keep it inside and tell Watermelon – agree or disagree – they are your coaches.
I want you to know that after I told my own mother what had happened the other day – for the first time in maybe my parenting life – she told me she thought I did the right thing and she was proud of the way Rambo and I had handled it. I was shocked.
And happy. And proud of us too.
Rambo walked into Watermelon’s game and the assistant coach stopped him and said, “You need to have a talk with Watermelon. After you brought her back to practice, she walked back in with a smirk on her face like she was all that and got her way.”
I think Rambo was caught off guard and just said, “Yah, we’re dealing with it.”
So after the game we get home and he tells me the above and I swear to you my heart snapped in half. First off – she’s my friend.
Second – she has no idea what happened with the coach and Watermelon outside when I brought Watermelon back and she also doesn’t know that instead of crying – Watermelon was forcing herself to smile.
Third – I kid you not – this woman has a son Watermelon’s age who in soccer – cannot get through a game without a raging fit. I mean like take off his shoes and whip them and leave the field. Last year at the age of 9, he threw a fit and told me he was going to kill himself because he didn’t make a goal.
Do you think I pulled her aside and told her to beef up her parenting skills? That at 9, it’s quite alarming to hear of suicide? That his raging tirades were affecting all the kids?
Nope – never. He’s not my kid and I trust her as a parent.
So later Watermelon comes in and tells me that one of her friends overheard the two coach friends of mine talking about Watermelon behind her back. I get that. What happened was a big deal and we all talk about each other BUT as a coach – f*ck a duck – do it when NO other player is within earshot.
Watermelon looked at me and said, “They are supposed to be the adults Mom.”
She’s right. What the hell was I supposed to say about that to make her feel better?
Say – this is life. This is what bitchy women do. You made a mistake and instead of it being over you have to re-live it every day? Apologize for her having to hear that when she never should have?
I don’t know. All I know is I am constantly scrutinized and chastised and looked down upon by my extended family because they think Rambo and I suck as parents…and I can handle that because it’s family.
Now someone outside of my family wants to tell me how to parent? That my kid has issues? When her own are far from perfect?
I want to tell these two women that I get that Watermelon did wrong and pissed them off. I want to tell them I realize they are going to talk about what went down. But I want to tell them to make damn sure no one else hears them – especially other young players.
I want to tell the one that I have never ever once told her how to parent – though I surely could have.
I want to tell them completely off for teaching my child that life and people are cruel long before she ever had to realize it.
This is why I never open my heart. This is why I don’t let anyone in. This is why I don’t belong anywhere but with Jenny and Rambo. This is why I don’t trust anyone but them.
These two women are my closest friends in town and should have my back and my kid’s backs. I watch their kids for them constantly. We hang out. Etc.
Now I’m just angry. I realize I had nothing with them – nothing real anyway. Just a friendship on the surface that means little to nothing the moment my 10 yr old does something they don’t like.
While I know Watermelon made a mistake – it could have been worse. She could have yelled and screamed and cussed and made a scene…instead of calmly walking out and taking herself out of the situation.
I found out that same night another girl left. Another girl was sobbing in the corner. Two others ended up crying that night too. Many want to quit.
Hmmm….wonder what’s wrong with this picture?
Later last night my two “friends” played in a vball league with my sister. As expected, they jumped her about Watermelon and her smiling too. How nice and awkward for my sister.
I want to ask them if it would have been better had Watermelon gone back into practice sobbing and weeping – creating a commotion and such?
Two “friends” of mine – in one night alerted Rambo and my own sister to the fact that they think Watermelon needs an attitude adjustment. I wonder if they ever saw her take care of Banana?
Watermelon is 10. It’s her first year of volleyball. It should have been nothing but fun.
Instead all I can say to her is – only a few more days – and the season is over.
Instead of being sad it’s over for another year – we are counting down the days.
Yes, you don’t have to tell me I’m being dramatic or over-reactive. I may be. It’s fresh in my mind and heart and it hurts for now….give me a couple of hours and I’ll be fine. For now – I had to write.
Sometimes the only thing I can do – is write.