Well - scratch that. I believe I lived this weekend more like in Satan's armpit land. I didn't see any fluffly clouds. No one drove by in a cloud car with puffy clouds sputtering out of the pink muffler. I haven't seen a f*cking Skittle in days.
The only thing keeping me alive is my IV drip of Mountain Dew.
Wanna know why?
Um cuz - my girls have the flu.
Complete with puking. Onto their parents. Even knowing I cannot deal with such a thing.
I have slept with one eye open - fearing the heaving noise. The possible puke coming. It's like living in fear.
It's been hell.
The first night Banana had the good sense to puke on Rambo. Like massively. And though I didn't want to - after I started to gag - I laughed. Let me say to you that Rambo literally went outside to shake himself off. My God - I can't believe I survived it.
I was praising the hating sinus Gods because I cannot smell anything - or I would have surely died.
I did the hold their hair thing - as I turned my head away. I rubbed backs during the convulsing like good moms are supposed to - as I hung my own head between my knees as I sat on the edge of the bathtub.
I prayed - that this would end.
As the dry heaving continued - I cursed every God ever known to man.
And as one of trips to the bathroom was over - Banana sat in my lap and looked at me out of the blue and said, "Mama - do I still have my kidneys?"
I smiled. I wanted to say, "Yes, honey. It may feel like you horked them up - but you did not."
Later on - in her little pale face with dark circles under her eyes - she wanted me to open some crackers for her. She said, "Mama - I can't get these open...and it's devastating."
No baby - devastating is the puking. Crackers not opening - well - that's just perfectly tolerable.
I'm ready to vacate Satan's armpit land. It smells here. Like a lot.
And yes - even through all of this - Karma has proven she still loves me.
Why, you ask?
Um - cuz - neither of my girls had diarrhea.