Mmmkkaayyy. I have decided to confess some things and some of them are gonna make some of you want to poke forks in my eyes. With jalepenos on them. For realz.
I’m willing to take the risk because I just have to get some of this off my chest.
OMG – I feel like I’m going to be burned at the stake or someone is going to knit me a big A for my chest.
Okay – here it is.
I hate Pinterest.
Holy shit, right? Are you still reading? Okay wait – before you unfollow me – hear me out.
I don’t actually hate Pinterest. I hate that there is a Pinterest. Meaning I hate that there is ANOTHER thing on the web that I’m supposed to want to make love to and name my first born after.
People – I can’t keep up! God help me – but I just can’t. I signed up – threw some tattoo pictures on there and followed a bunch of people…and haven’t look at it since. Why did I bother you ask?
BECAUSE. (Yup, that's the best reason I got. Just because.)
If someone asks me if I’m on Pinterest or the famous, “Oh my good golly, don’t you just looooooooove Pinterest?” or “Are you as addicted to your Pinterest as you are to your shoe collection?”…I can now say, “Yup, I’m on there. It’s great.”
Because before? Jesus, Mary and grasshopper dicks – if I said, “Nope – not on Pinterest!” – sometimes women would run away screaming or they’d slap me and look at me like I slept with their husband or something. It was just easier to make myself an account. Trust me.
And forgive me – but I just don’t get it. I “pin” things I like to my board. Um…in my head I know I like these things. Why do I need to put them on a virtual board? Why do I care if others see that? Why do I care what other people’s boards have on them? I’m confused. Help me.
You want another confession? Fine. I’ll give you one. I’m not into Twitter. Don’t know how it works. Don’t care to find out. Don’t want to. If one more person asks me or reprimands me for not being on Twitter I’m going to kick them in their twat. Honest to f*cking Pete. Who has time for all this shit? And what is Twitter anyway – instant statuses or something? Isn’t Facebook enough? I have cousins who literally update their status when they decide to go pee. Or blink. Or take a breath. Do I need to see this on Twitter too?
Speaking of Facebook. Here’s a little tip for you. CLARIFY yourself or I will hunt you down and kill you with a tire iron. A person I know in town with kids wrote this last night on Facebook:
“Found out today that Aspen has stomach and bladder cancer. What an awful day. Going to bed so we can get some sleep and decide what to do for her tomorrow.”
Are you sad? Are you freaking out that a little girl named Aspen is dealing with cancer and so are her parents? Is your heart breaking for them like mine did?
UNTIL YOU FIND OUT ASPEN IS THEIR FREAKING DOG!
I mean – yes – it is still sad BUT my God – I was about to start organizing a benefit and fundraiser. Jesus. Reedonkulous. How the hell do I know your DOG’S name is Aspen and it’s not your little girl????????????? CLARIFY.
I suppose if I want to admit it – I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed in life. I haven’t seen the top of my kitchen table in weeks. I don’t remember what my bathroom floor looks like without clothes spread all over it. Even the dust bunnies are pissed about how many of themselves there are. Yes, yes – I know. I’m not allowed to bitch and whine when I willfully took on numerous jobs and such but whatever. I’m going to bitch anyway.
I write a blog every day and follow almost 300 and try to comment on a lot of them. I have a Facebook page which gets used about 10 minutes per day. I have Pinterest. I cannot fathom twittering about Explosive Man or Asian massage therapists who freak out when I wear NUSSING. Honestly – it’s just not that interesting.
And my God – I don’t have the time. Between 2 kids, 1 house, budgets, 3 jobs, cooking, planning, cleaning, blogging, maintaining friendships and extended family relationships, dealing with my 16 personalities, watching my favorite shows and not working out – I just can’t give a damn about boards or twits.
How in the world do you guys all do it? Where do you draw the line? Do you love it all or hate it all?
And most importantly – do you still love me after I've beared my soul?
Obviously - if you love Pinterest and Twitter - I say more power to you. I'm actually just jealous that you can do it all. The only way I know how to say that is by making fun of it.
I have issues. Clearly.