My blogger friend Raven wrote a post called, “If I were Prez” and she asked us, her fellow bloggers – the same question. So I’m answering. Cuz it’s fun. And sort of political. And I love me some politics.
If I were President:
Every single person on this Earth would have a traveling bathroom all their own. You’re the ONLY person who ever uses it. It can have TVs and music inside or be decorated in lime green pot leaf wallpaper if you want. It’s yours. No one else on this Earth will ever explode in the same toilet you do. Perfection right? Oh and yes – every model automatically cleans itself. You’re welcome.
A full week of work would consist of 4 days a week. Weekends would be 3 days instead of two. People need less work time and more family time.
Every man or woman who hurts a child in any way would be sent to prison. The sentence would be life BUT I’d put them in general population to ensure they wouldn’t live beyond a year. The prisoner code of ethics would take care of them and they wouldn’t be a tax burden anymore – nor would be they alive. Which, in my opinion, is how it should be.
Every person who has sex without birth control or thinks they may want to have kids should be required to lease a trial child from the government for 6 months. The person should have to be that child’s mother or father 24/7 for 6 months. Pay for diapers, daycare, food, shelter. Be up at 4am 6 nights in a row with projectile vomit covering them while their friends are out partying. Learn what it’s like to have someone else own your heart in a way you never imagined.
After 6 months – give the kid back to the government. Then feel free to have your own – if you dare. No – I obviously don’t really think lease-a-kid would work (the poor kid) but I think about 80% of the people who have kids are seriously underestimating what it involves. (myself included)
We would send no money to any other country until every single person in this country is fed, nourished, in school, sheltered and safe. Are there any countries that send us financial aid just for our poor and weak? I could be wrong but I don’t think so.
Pre-school for children would be non-existent. Pre-pre-pre-school for pre-schoolers would be done with. Pre-kindergarten would be done with. No one my age ever went to pre-school or pre-K. When you turned 5 – you went to school. Before 5 – you got to be a kid in daycare or at home – but not in “school”. Kids need to be kids until they are 5. They’ll spend half their damn life in school if they go to college. I think they can wait to enter until they are 5.
Pink would be our national color.
Drazil would be our national mascot…because let’s face it – everyone has inner demons.
Sheniqua would be put on $1 bills. The bills would be pink and very rare. Collectible even.
The welfare system would get a HUGE restructuring. If you are physically and mentallly able to work but refuse not to because flipping burgers at McDonald’s is beneath you – then you can’t have welfare. If you quit a good job because you didn’t like having to punch a time clock and you figured you’d just live off unemployment – um nope – you don’t get it. If you want welfare or unemployment or government benefits – you need to have proof that you can’t work, were let go due to downsizing and that now you are applying for jobs 24/7. If you have a real disability or work 3 jobs and still qualify for welfare via income qualifications – then I’ll gladly hand you government checks myself. You deserve them.
Oh and one more thing – you have to pass a urine test before you get a government welfare check since I have to pass one to earn it for you.
If your underwear are visible under your pants or the waistband of your pants is hanging at your knees….you cannot leave the house or you will be tackled by a mob of angry adults and given a proper wedgie. The adults will suffer no repurcussions for doing so. It won’t even make the evening news. It’s the law.
Congress and Senate would be run by real men and women – kind of picked randomly like jury duty. People from all classes and all states, all educations and all backgrounds. You can only be in term for 1 year – not 20. Your student loans don’t get forgiven. You don’t earn 50 bazillion taxpayer dollars as a salary. You get paid what you’d get paid out in the real world. You don’t get special healthcare. You don’t get a huge pension for the rest of your life. You don’t get to only work 2 days a week with recesses every other month. Special interest groups can’t pay you. You don’t get to take money in a re-election campaign….cuz you only get one year remember? Make it count.
You can earn money credits off your college loans for every hour you volunteer. You can earn $5 for every volunteer hour you log. So if you log 100 hours volunteering in the local nursing home or 200 hours at Big Brother – you can have $500 or $1000 wiped off your college loans. Imagine the people helped and the things learned and the time spent NOT binge drinking if college kids were out volunteering.
If you’re a celebrity and you want to get married, you have to pay a one million dollar “I know this will end in divorce and scandal but I’m going to do it anyway” fee to the government. A special committee will use this money to rebuild poverty-stricken or natural disaster-stricken areas. And yes – you have to pay the fee – EVERY time you decide to marry. We don’t give multiple marriage discounts.
Soooo – wanna elect me?
What would YOU do if you were President?
PS – these are just my opinions…if you disagree – you’re welcome to….just don’t be nasty about it. Mmkkaayy?