You should have seen her in all her pretty, blinged out workout gear. We talked her out of wearing the leotards and 80s legwarmers
She was all, “I’m so going to do all EIGHT Tabata drills. I’m a warrior. This DVD has nothing on me. Hell – I might do it twice. I don’t even need water.”
Me and Sheniqua laughed our asses off. I made sure to put some negative thoughts in her head just to make her doubt herself. Sheniqua was a bit concerned because lately Me has been kicking ass in diet and exercise but we held our ground. Chicks in exercise DVDs with the stamina of stallions and beefy thighs do not scare us.
Me started off strong but it wasn’t long before she was winded and swearing under her breath so much that Satan would have been embarrassed. At one point the girl on the DVD said something like, “Come on girls, I know it’s hard but we only have 6 more sets to go!” and we heard Me yell, “Really asshole? Only 6?”
Sheniqua and I couldn’t help but point and giggle.
By the second set, Me yelled at her little girl to “go get her a water bottle before she feinted.” So much for being a big dog and not needing water. That Me is a damn idiot. This Tabata shit is hard core. No way in hell will you catch my little lizard legs ever attempting such insanity. Sheniqua was sweating buckets just “watching” the DVD.
Anyway – Me completed 6 Tabata drills and a warmup and cool down. And now she’s dead.
Well almost. She’s alive enough to bitch and whine constantly. She says her lips are the only thing on her body that she can move without screaming out in pain.
All day so far we’ve heard:
Holy f*ck a duck – even my boobs hurt!
OMG – I think I’m going to need IV fluids because I sweated out every drop of fluid I had in me last night.
My God in heaven – I think even my eyelashes are sore.
I should probably not go to work because none of my joints will bend without a major effort on my part.
It’s hard to breathe because my lungs are still recovering.
Ohhhhhhh – even my armpits hurt.
And lastly – heard from the bathroom this morning after she looked in the mirror – after a blood curdling scream: Jeeeeeeesssuuussss – I’m still CHUBBY!
I told you Me was an idiot. She thinks being this sore and working out like a maniac should produce instant thinness. Dream on babycakes!
So tonight Me says she’s going to do the treadmill so as not to break her amazing workout stream she’s got going this week. Sheniqua and I are going to do everything in our power to make sure she does nothing but watch Grey’s Anatomy with a bag of Skittles on her lap and a Mountain Dew IV in her arm.
We are a little skerred though. Me seems to be on a mission. I mean – don’t tell her I said this but – that Tabata shit is badass and I’m actually proud of her. I mean I want to put duct tape over her mouth so she quits whining about how she feels like she broke every bone in her body but still….she’s pretty amazing.
Tell her I said that and I’ll deny it until I turn purple.